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cristal_21
Newbie
Posts: 1
Registered: 08-30-2004 Location:
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posted on 08-30-2004 at 09:59 |
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How do you handle a situation...
What do you do when you think your boyfriend, of just under three months, says "Love you." just before hanging up with you on the phone? Do you ask him if that's what he actually said? And if you do, and his answer is, "No.", have you then inadvertently implied that you loved him when you're not sure you do? But what if he answers, "Yes."? Is there a way to tell him that you're not sure you love him?
How do you handle a situation like this when you want to love him, but don't yet, and you don't want to jeopardize the quality of the relationship?
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gogi
Newbie
Posts: 3
Registered: 08-30-2004 Location:
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posted on 08-30-2004 at 10:10 |
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when the moment is right.......when u felt it in your heart
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Old_Fashioned
Member
Posts: 62
Registered: 07-04-2004 Location: Rhode Island, USA
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posted on 09-01-2004 at 15:48 |
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Gogi is right. The time will come when you know. But make sure it isn't an infatuation or you in a way feel obligated to say it. Make sure it is the heart that is in love and not the mind. Don't be fooled in his words either. He could just be saying it for some action. Think of ways of testing him to see if he is true. Don't test him to a point where it pushes him away though. Most people now a days just say I love you because they feel it is an obligated duty if your in a relationship to say it. Don't follow the crowd.
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Rkyeun
Junior Member
Posts: 12
Registered: 11-24-2004 Location:
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posted on 11-25-2004 at 05:40 |
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A tricky situation, to be sure. But you must take care not to be deceptive in form or deed.
The question should not be did he say that. It is enough for now to know that he may have said it. If so, he will no doubt say it again. Many become quite flustered about working up the courage to admit their desire, to express that you are important enough to them that they would risk uttering those words and altering their life to encompass every aspect of you. Such courage can be fleeting, or surge at the last instant.
Perhaps he intended it to be obscure and uncertain, so that you could shrug it off instead of having to say no. The truth of the matter is he may have just asked you!
So you have to decide. Do you love him? Is this the man you want to build your family with? Will this man be the one you trust with your heart?
If you do not, I would remain silent until you are certain that he has purposefully and unequivocably expressed his love. It is rash to act on words you are not even certain you heard properly. At that point, you must apologize for being unable to return his love, and express your concerns. Tell him what he must do, how he must change, and what you need, before you can love him. If he truely loves you, he will adapt to fill your needs. If not, his words are a pale shadow of love.
If you do love him, you have a more difficult task. Either find the time and place to express such a sentiment directly to him, or wait for him to express it again and return it. If you do love him, it is your own uncertainty you must face, for now you are left wondering if he loves you, or if you imagined those words. I know that sensation well, restless and bittersweet.
Out of all the world, you are expected to choose one to love through all of eternity, to experience heaven and suffer hell with. It can take time, and indeed you have plenty of it. Take your time and choose wisely. I hope you find someone worthy of you.
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